No one likes a smuggie.

Dear Co-worker,

All the smug looks, asides and hints are becoming really tiresome.

If you want to tell me you've applied for another job, just come out with it.

Paging Victoria Coren Mitchell

Dear Co-worker,

Please stop demanding my attention.

This Only Connect wall is against the clock you know!

Not wanted on voyage?

Dear Co-worker,

Yes, I agree that stag dos are getting a bit out of hand when you have to go to New York or Thailand for a week.

But don't worry. It's very unlikely you'll ever be invited on one.

"You should've seen the other fella."

Subtle subtext through the week, I glean that 'bird behind the bar' had a boyfriend.

In other news, that bruise is cycling nicely through the colours of the rainbow.

What shade would you say that is now? Puce tinged with shame?

Pow!

Dear Co-Worker,

Wow. That’s quite a shiner. If you still played any sports I’d assume the ball had kicked you back. While I’m totally loving this new silent you, I’m desperate to know what happened.

Step away from the cake

Dear Co-worker,
Thanks for helping me to stay healthy. I was going to treat myself to a post 5k run danish but the thought of your smug face watching me eat it made me change my mind.

Bar fly

So, dear Co-worker...

Got a crush on the new 'bird behind the bar' at your local have we?

Maybe if you stopped referring to them as 'birds' a girl might take pity on you long enough to go on a date.