Don't give up the day job.

Coworker (putting down the phone): Well, that was a very plummy Irish voice!
Me: What was her name? Miss Noma?
FX: Whoosh sound of something going over coworker's head.

Gazumped!

Oh dear Co-worker,

How can I break this to you gently...?

Happy Valentines

Dear Co-worker,

blimey! So there IS an old romantic in there somewhere. Happy Valentines day.

On the one hand I'm glad that you've finally realised that no one else in the world is going to fancy you like Gina inexplicably seems to.

But on the flip side, I'm not looking forward to the blow by blow accounts of your fledgling sex life...

Snow day

Dear Co-worker,

Tales of your troubled journey into work are not wanted at any time of day but certainly not first thing on a Monday.